


Episodes

by zouissss



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Age Play, Diapers, Infantilism, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play, fugue state, more tags to come
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-07-31
Packaged: 2018-04-01 15:14:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4024708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zouissss/pseuds/zouissss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Due to the stress of tour and 1D life, Zayn experiences dissociative fugue states where he falls into the headspace of a two year old. He has been able to keep his secret hidden for years, but it finally becomes too much for him to handle on his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Prologue:

It was becoming too much for Zayn. In the last four years, One Direction had recorded four albums, gone on what seemed like countless world tours, been interviewed by everyone and their mothers, and had only been given a handful of weeks in between everything to relax and recharge. 

In reality, Zayn shouldn't have been surprised when he felt that familiar itch. His doctors had told him that his episodes could be triggered by stress. He had just been hoping that it could have waited. Waited long enough for break to come, where he could go back to the privacy of his own room where only his mom and sisters knew what was really going on. 

He had always been told to just turn into the skid. Allow the episode to take its course. He was told that if he tried to keep these feelings at bay, it would only make it worse, the episodes would be longer and he would only go deeper.

He had exercises that he could do to remain calm and lucid. He could do yoga, take deep breaths, and smoke weed. Weed helped. Weed helped a lot. But when you're in a new country every other day, it was hard to carry around a large supply without someone noticing. 

He was smoking his last joint, but he knew it wasn't going to be enough. His hands were shaking, making it impossible to hold his lighter steady. Thoughts were buzzing around his head like angry wasps but through it all, he just wished he could be honest about his condition. He couldn't be though. You can't exactly be in the public eye while worrying about slipping into a fugue state. Well, you could be, but only if you wanted people focusing on you more than they already were.

And that's the last thing he wanted.


	2. Chapter 1

One more day, Less than that actually. All Zayn had to do was make it through one more concert, one more hotel night, and one more flight until he was back home. That's all he wanted, to be home. To curl up in his bed, spend time with his sisters, cuddle with his mommy-

No. He couldn't let himself think like that. He shook his head as if that could fix everything. Like if he used enough force, everything that was wrong with him would be expelled from his mind. He could feel an episode coming on. He hadn't been able to smoke that day and everything was piling up. He knew he couldn't handle much more. But he could hold off until tomorrow night, he knew he could. He'd have to.

Zayn felt a hand rest against the back of his neck.

"Everything alright, mate?" Louis asked as he gave the boy a small massage, trying to relieve some of the tension that was visible from across the room.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Zayn replied. It was true, in that moment at least. Everything was fine when Louis was around, "Just tired."

"I feel you. But just think, in 24 hours, we'll be back home in jolly ol' London." Louis laughed.

"Yeah...home."  
***  
Three hours later and the first leg of their world tour was over. The last show had been amazing. The knowledge of getting to relax soon gave Zayn the burst of energy he needed to give an amazing performance. and the fact that Louis didn't seem to leave his side for a second helped too.

Louis didn't know about his episodes, none of the boys did. They knew he didn't handle stress well, but they didn't know what would happen if too much stress got to him. They didn't know about the clothes, the pacifiers, the toys, or the nappies. They knew he needed his space while on break. They missed their friend, of course, but knew he needed time to spend with his family. The boys were always so worried that Zayn would decide to leave that band due to stress, so they were willing to do anything they could to make sure that didn't happen.

Zayn wanted to tell them. He knew it would so much easier for him if he had someone to go to when he knew he was going under. But how do you explain to your four best friends that there were periods of his life where he acted like a baby because he couldn't deal with the stress of being a human being. It was just easier to keep it all to himself.

"Okay boys," Paul yelled from the doorway of their dressing room, "Get dressed and come out to the car, you can shower when we get to the hotel." 

Within minutes, the room was clear and the boys were on their way out. Paul led them through the arena and to the car, making sure to avoid the hoard of fans that had formed outside the arena. Normally they would be willing to stay a little while after to sign a few autographs, but none of them were up for it that night, they all just wanted to go to sleep.

The ride to the hotel was quiet. Niall and Harry had both fallen asleep within seconds of the door closing, Liam was on his phone, and Zayn had his head resting on Louis shoulder. 

They arrived at the hotel soon enough. Niall and Harry made their displeasure at having been woken up known as the five of them dragged their feet through the front entrance and into the lobby.

As they waited for their room keys, they watched Paul pace in the lobby, talking on his phone, clearly agitated.

"What do you think is wrong with Paul?" Zayn asked, his head having found it's way back to Louis' shoulder.

"No idea, but it doesn't look good."

"Well boys, I've got some bad news and some good news. Bad news is there is something wrong with our plane so we won't be able to go home tomorrow. Good news, we'll be able to take a different flight home on Wednesday so that gives you three days to do some sight seeing."

Zayn's reaction was instantaneous. The moment those words left Paul's mouth, he could feel his entire body tense. For just a second, his vision went black as he tried to comprehend what was happening. He raised his head from Louis' shoulder as he did his best to keep his breathing steady.

"But you said we were going home tomorrow."

"I know, but even being a world famous boy band can't fix a plane. I'm sorry Zayn, I know how much you want to go home, but we're all just going to have to deal with it."

But Zayn couldn't deal with it. He needed to be alone. He needed to be alone right now. Grabbing one of the room keys from Paul, he took of for the elevators, ignoring the calls coming from behind him. He didn't even realize Louis was with him until he felt his hand on his back, making him jump.

"Zayn, what's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Come on, I know you want to go home but that's no reason to react like that. Just tell me."

Zayn couldn't vocalize his response, just shook his head and held tighter to the bar in the elevator. He could feel himself slipping. He needed his mommy. he needed her now.

"Zayn, come with me to my room, I'm not leaving you alone like this."

"No."

"Then I'm coming to your room." Louis said, trying to place his hand on his best friends shoulder again.

"No!"

That small touch had him reeling. As soon as the elevator door was open, he was running down the hall, looking for his room.

Once in the safety of his own room, he fell on the bed. He was falling and he knew he only had a few minutes left. He needed to find his phone, he needed to call his mommy, he needed to hear her voice.

It only took three rings for Trisha to pick up.

"Hello love, how was your last show? I can't wait for you to be home!"

She received no response.

"Zayn, love, are you there?"

Another few seconds went by without a response and Trisha was starting to believe that her son had accidentally dialed her phone number. She was about to hang up when she heard it.

"Mommy?"

Her sons voice was filled with so much fear and pain. She didn't need any kind of explanation to know exactly what was going on.

"Oh baby boy, baby, you're alright."

"Mommy."

"Zayn, baby, shhhhhh. You're okay, you're safe. You just need to take some deep breathes. Can you do that? Can you do that for mommy?"

zayn wasn't sure if he could. His chest felt tight, tears were streaming down his face, his vision was starting to black out, and he felt that too familiar feeling of warm wetness spreading across his inner thighs.

The last thing he heard was his mommies voice before he completely slipped away  
***  
Louis knew Zayn had a hard time dealing with stress. He knew he needed to keep himself high so that it wouldn't get to him. But he also knew Zayn had smoked his last joint the day before so the stress of the last few weeks must have finally caught up with him.

His heart was breaking for his best friend as he listened to him crying through the hotel door.

"Zayn? Please open up."

Louis didn't know what to do. Should he break the door down? Call for an extra key from the front desk? All he knew was that he couldn't leave his best friend like this.

Trying the door, his was surprised to find it unlocked but thankful for this small piece of luck.

As he walked into the room, he wasn't sure what he was looking at. Zayn was curled up in a tight ball, clutching his phone like a life line as a familiar female voice tried to calm him down. Finall, Louis noticed the steady stream of urine that was spreading across Zayn's crotch, down his thighs, and onto the bed underneath.

This was nothing Louis had ever seen before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a psychologist. I took one psych class in school so I realize that this probably isn't what it's like to experience a fugue state. But for the sake of this story, Zayn can feel it coming before it happens.


	3. Chapter 2

"Hello? Hello!? Please! Please pick up the phone! I need to talk to you!"

Louis was pulled from his stupor when he heard the tiny, feminine voice call out. Before Louis could get to the phone though, Zayn pulled it closer to him as a fresh wave of tears began to flow.

"Mommy? Mommy where are you? 'M scared and there's a man in my room and I don't know who he is and I want you."

"Zayn, baby, put the man on the phone. He's there to take care of you but I need to talk to him, okay? Can you give him the phone, baby?"

Louis watched as the small boy sat up, not seeming to care that he was sitting in his own piss.

"Phone for you. Mommy said you take care of me but want to talk to you."

Louis accepted the phone in a daze, why was Zayn talking like a two year old?

"Hello?"

"Is this Louis?"

"Yeah...who is this?"

"It's Tricia, Zayn's mom. What's going on over there?"

"I could be asking you the same question."

"Please, just tell me how he's doing."

Louis looked over to Zayn to find him rocking in place and his thumb in his mouth."

"Well, other than the fact that he's sucking his thumb and he wet himself, I'd say he's doing pretty fucking awful. Now please, tell me what's going on."

Tricia took a deep breath before explaining.

"Zayn suffers from a multiple personality disorder. He experiences fugue states where he enters the mindset of a very young child, somewhere between one and two years old. These episodes are typically brought on by stress but can also be triggered by anger or depression, really any kind of heightened emotion. That's why he smokes, it keeps him level. What caused this one? What was the stressor?"

"Paul told us that we won't be able to come home until Wednesday."

Tricia sighed, she knew how much her son had been looking forward to coming home. She went on to explain how Zayn had been diagnosed when he was nine, how some episodes can last months, and finally how to take care of him.

"You just have to be patient with him. Right now, he isn't the Zayn you know. He's just a little boy who's scared because he wants his mommy. Just keep him calm, okay?"

Louis heard the bed creaking and before he knew it, he had a lap full of Zayn. He tried not to push him off when he remembered that his clothes were still wet. Zayn didn't seem to notice how uncomfortable the older boy was as he pulled on his shirt to get his attention.

"Can I has Grr?"

"Who's Grr?"

"It's his stuffed dog. He keeps him hidden at the bottom of his suitcase. It's where he keeps everything you'll need."

Zayn whined as Louis gently placed him back on the bed, making sure to avoid the wet spot, but perked up when Louis told him that he was going to find his little stuffed dog.

As Louis searched through the suitcase that had been brought up earlier that day, he found a number of items you wouldn't expect to find in a twenty two year olds suitcase; nappies, wipes, baby powder, a few dummies and even a small, light blue baby blanket. As Louis searched for the desired comfort item, he couldn't help but wonder how he never knew about any of this. They had known each other for almost five years now and Zayn didn't think to mention this once? Did that mean Zayn didn't trust them? That he didn't trust Louis?

After a few minuets, Louis finlly found the small dog. It was well loved, all of it's fur had worn off, only leaving small rough patches. It looked more like a bean bag than a dog, but it was cute.

Louis than realized that he knew this toy. About a month into boot camp, Zayn had picked up his suitcase, thinking it was closed, only to have all of its contents spill onto the floor. Nothing that would have given his secret away had been in the suitcase at the time except this small toy dog that was resting at the top of the pile. When the other boys started giving him shit for still needing a stuffie, Zayn had just grabbed it and left the room, looking like he was on the verge of tears. Louis remembered feeling bad.

When Louis turned around with the small dog in his hands, Zayn's face instatntly lit up. His tears had finally begun to slow down but his thumb remained in his mouth. When Louis didn't give it to him quick enough, he started to whine and make grabby hands for the toy. When Louis sat back on the bed, he pulled the small boy back onto his lap, no longer caring about the wet clothes. Louis needed some form of comfort just as much as Zayn did.

"Louis? Louis, are you still there?"

Louis picked the phone back up. "Yeah, still here."

"Does he have Grr?"

"Yeah."

"Has he stopped crying?"

"Yeah."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm not sure."

"Louis, I know this is hard. Zayn never wanted any of you boys to ever have to deal with this. Just please take care of my baby boy."

"I will. I can do this."

"Call me if you need anything, okay? And thank you."

"You're welcome."

As Louis hung up the phone, Zayn began to pull on his shirt again.

"'M wet, can you change me?"

Louis could do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really happy that people seem to be enjoying this story:) I'm going to try to update at least twice a week.


	4. Chapter 3

Louis had taken care of kids before. He had helped his mom with his younger sisters and his youngest siblings were still babies themselves. He figured that taking care of Zayn in this mindset wouldn't be too different.

"Yeah buddy, let's get you cleaned up. I'll give you a bath and then we can watch a movie, does that sound good?"

Zayn nodded, snuggling further into Louis' chest. they stayed like this for another few moments. Despite the wetness that was slowly seeping into his own pants, Louis couldn't bring himself to move Zayn. He had never seen this boy so small, so fragile. All Louis wanted to do was hold him and make every bad thing go away.

"Can I ask you something?" Zayn asked with a small voice.

"Sure, anything."

"What's your name?"

This question caught Louis off guard. How did he not know his name? Did he really not know anything while having an episode? Was he really that far gone?

These questions scared Louis, to think that Zayn had lost everything that made him who he was. But then he realized that Zayn probably felt this fear a hundred times over, every day. He knew what was happening and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Louis had seen Zayn in the elevator. not once in the last five years had Louis seen Zayn so frightened. The fear Louis was feeling was nothing compared to Zayn.

Louis took a breath, remembered what Tricia had said, that he just had to be patient, and answered. "I'm Louis."

"That's a nice name! This is Grr. He has really stubby legs but he fights big monsters and he is my bestest best friend." Zayn explained before using the dog to plant a big kiss on Louis' cheek.

"It's nice to meet you Grr." Louis said, giving Grr a small kiss on the nose. "Now I think it's time for a bath."

"Bath!" Zayn exclaimed, jumping up and running into the bathroom.

"Can we have bubbles?"

"If we have them." Louis replied, looking through the mini bath products the hotel provided, quickly finding the small bottle of bubble bath. "We're in luck!I'm going to start the bath, so I need you to take all of your clothes off and put them in the corner. I just have to make a quick phone call so I just need you to sit on the toilet until I get back. If I'm not back by the time the water gets halfway, you can put the bubble bath in, but don't put too much in okay? Can you do that for me?"

"Uh-huh! I can do that! I can be a good boy!"

"I know you'll be a good boy." Louis gave Zayn a small kiss on his forehead before plugging the tub and starting the water. He left the bathroom as Zayn began to undress.

When he stepped out of the room, Louis took a moment to regroup. He was surprised to find how easy this was. He was still nervous, of course, but something just felt right about the situation and he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Now, his main problem was how he was supposed to explain the wet bed sheets to house keeping.

"Hello, you've reached the front desk, how may I help you?"

"Yeah, hi. uhh...I'm staying in room 413 and my little brother had an accident on the bed. Is there any way you can send up new bed sheets and a new comforter?"

"Of course, I'll send someone up straight away."

"Thank you. I'm really sorry about this."

"It's not a problem. this isn't the first time this has happened."

After hanging up the phone, Louis went back into the bathroom to find a complete mess. Zayn, already naked and in the tub, was covered in bubbles, as was the bathroom floor.

"Zayn!"

"Look Louis! Bubbles!" Zayn exclaimed, splashing the water causing even more bubbles to flow over the side of the tub, adding the the mess on the floor.

"Buddy, I thought I told you not to put a lot of bubble soap in?"

"I didn't!"

"How much did you put in?"

"I put the whole bottle in but it's so small so it wasn't a lot!" Zayn said, his voice rising as tears began to fill his eyes.

"Hey no crying. Zayn it's alright. Please don't cry." Louis cooed, dropping to his knees into the puddle on the floor in order to sooth the crying boy.

"Shh, shhh, buddy. I promise it's okay. You're not in trouble. Please calm down."

"'M not?"

"No. It's like you said, you didn't put a lot in."

As the tears subsided, Zayn sniffled and let a small smile spread across his lips.

"Louis?"

"Yeah buddy?" Louis responded, running a hand over Zayn's back, giving him the little extra comfort that he knew that boy needed.

"Will you play with the bubbles with me?"

"I'd love to."

***

After an hour of playing in the tub, Louis finally had Zayn clean. He wrapped the wet, naked boy in a towel and led him out into the main room.

The cleaning staff had already come and gone, replacing everything and even leaving behind a small teddy bear for Zayn, assuming it really was a two year old boy that they had been cleaning up after.

The moment Zayn spotted the bear his eyes lit up.

"Look Lou! Look!" Zayn exclaimedrushing over to the new toy, dropping his towel in the process. The younger boy stood next to the bed, hugging his new friend, completely naked.

Upon normal circumstances, Louis would have loved to see Zayn naked. He loved how Zayn's dark tattoos contrasted with his tanned skin. He loved to run his fingers over his toned abs, feeling every bump as he traveled down. He especially loved when Zayn stood behind him, pressing his cock into his backside, only a small hint to what was to come. They weren't together per say, but there was something there.

But now, with Zayn like this, so small and innocent, it felt wrong.

"Ok, Zayn, let's get you into your pajamas."

"But Louis look! Look at my new teddy!"

"I see! You'll have to remember to make the cleaning lady a thank you note later on, but now it's time for you to get ready for bed. Now, which pajamas do you want to wear tonight?" Louis asked, going through Zayn's suitcase and pulling out the necessary items for bedtime.

"Micky Mouse!"

After shifting through the suitcase, Louis pulled out Zayn's Micky themed pajama set. he also grabbed a diaper and powder from the bottom of the bag.

"Okay, buddy, lay down on the bed for me."

No! No Louis! I don't need a diaper! I'm a big boy, I don't need one!"

"I know you're a big boy but I still want you to wear one. Just in case, okay?"

Zayn didn't respond, he just burried his face in the bears fur as he cried.

Although Louis didn't want to upset the boy any further, he knew this had to be done. He tried to move as fast as he could, sliding the diaper underneath the tanned boy's hips, powdering him, and closing the diaper up with the sticky tapes. Once he was finished securing the diaper, he slide the micky shirt and sweatpants onto the crying boy, sighing in relief because he could finally comfort the boy.

"Okay, it's all done, you're okay. It wasn't that bad right?" Louis asked as Zayn got comfortable in his lap. Zayn just pouted, looking down at the diaper that was obviously puffing out from beneath his sweatpants. 

"Don't like it."

"I know, but like I said, it's for just in case."

They stayed like that in silence for a few minutes. While Zayn had finally stopped crying, he wasn't showing any signs of cheering up.

"So?" Louis asked, breaking the silence, "Does your new bear have a name yet?"

"Lou." Zayn responded as he shifted in Louis' lap, his diaper making an obvious crinkling sound as he moved.

"But I thought I was Lou?"

"You are. You'll be Lou and he'll be Lou-bear." Zayn explain, smiling as he looked up at Louis.

Another few minutes go by as they continue to cuddle. Zayn let's out a few big yawns as he fights to keep his eyes open.

"I think it's time for bed, buddy."

Zayn doesn't try to fight him on this, just crawls into the bed, holding Grr and Lou-bear close.

Louis shuts the lights off, strips down to his boxers, and gets into bed beside Zayn, holding the boy close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this isn't very good and it took me way too long to write but time got the best of me and I just wanted to finish this chapter.
> 
> Please let me know what you think, I love hearing from you guys <3


	5. Chapter 4

The next morning, Louis woke up to someone banging on the door. He was about to tell whoever it was on the other side to fuck off when he felt a warm weight move on top of him.

Oh shit. 

Within seconds, the events of the previous night played like a movie in his mind; Zayn freaking out at Paul, Zayn crying, Zayn pissing himself, Grr, the bath, the diapers, everything. Everything just felt so surreal to Louis that he almost couldn't believe it. To him, it felt like a dream that felt real even hours after waking up. But it was real. The proof was wrapped in his arms, sleeping soundly as he sucked lazily on his thumb and drooled on Louis' bare chest.

The knocking continued on the other side of the door. It couldn't be house keeping seeing as it was only 7:30 in the morning so it had to be one of the boys. Louis couldn't let any of them find out. Although it didn't seem like Zayn trusted him enough with his secret, Louis knew that of his Zayn knew what was going on, he would trust him not to let anyone else find out.

"Zayn! Open up!" It was Harry.

Lucky for Louis, Zayn was an impossibly heavy sleeper. Even in his younger mindset, it looked like Louis would still need a bucket of ice water if he wanted him to be up before noon. 

After gently placing the younger boy on his side, Louis covered him with the comforter so that, just in case anyone was to look into the room, they would see the mickey pjs or the diaper puffing out behind him. He then quickly walked over to the door in just his briefs to find out what Harry could possibly want so early in the morning. 

Upon opening the door, Louis not only found Harry dressed in one of his ridiculous outfits, but Liam and Niall as well. He instantly regretted not putting any of his clothes back on.

"Oh Louis! Are we interrupting something?" Harry asked with a cheeky grin.

"Uh no, I just- you know, didn't want to leave Zayn alone last night. You saw how upset he was. I just wanted to make sure he was okay."

"Uh-huh, sure. I bet you took real good care of him."

Louis and Zayn weren't a secret. As long as nothing happened in public, they could do whatever they wanted behind closed doors. Unfortunately, some of those doors didn't lock, leading to a few awkward moments between them and the rest of the boys.

"Yeah, well if you don't mind letting me get back to it, I'll see you loads later on." Louis said, attempting to close the door.

"Oh no, you're not getting out of it that easy." Liam said, putting g his arm out to catch the door. "We have all of today and tomorrow off, so we're going to take advantage of it and do some sight seeing. Now wake Sleeping Beauty up and let's get moving." 

"Look boys, that's really not a good idea. Zayn had a really bad panic attack last night. It took me hours to calm him down and he really just needs to sleep. So let him do that and we'll meet up with you later if he's feeling better." Louis explained, trying to close the door after he saw Zayn stir in the bed behind him. 

"Come on, Louis," Niall interjected,"in two and a half days we're going to go home and then we won't see Zayn for another month. Let's just spend some time together before he locks himself away again. It will be good for him." 

Niall had a good point. Louis knew that. He knew how much the boys hated ho Zayn would completely cut them off during their break. He hated it to. Well, at least he did before he learned the reason why Zayn became a hermit during their time off. He had to find a way to explain it to the rest of the boys without giving Zayn's secret away.

Louis was trying to come up with some reasonable excuse when he felt arms wrap around him from behind and a face nuzzle his neck.

"Louuuuuuu" Zayn whined.

For once, Louis had no words. No idea of how to get out of this situation before it got even worse.

"Zayn, go back to bed." Louis whispered, trying to remain calm as he attempted to pry Zayn's hands from around him.

"No Lou"

"Zayn, please listen to me."

"But Looouuuuiiissss."

From behind him, he could hear the boys laughing.

"Well someone is insatiable." Harry laughed.

They hadn't noticed anything yet, not the mickey mouse pajamas or the stuffed animals tacked under his arm, nothing. Louis just hoped that luck was with him.

"Zayn please." Louis begged as Zayn burrowed deeper into Louis chest. 

"But Louis, my diaper's wet."

Silence.

Louis looked up to find the boys staring at them with wide eyes.

They heard.

They knew.

Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. Going to try to write the second part tomorrow. No promises though.
> 
> If you notice any typos, I'm typing this up on my kindle fire so just blame autocorrect. 
> 
> Let me know what you think <3

**Author's Note:**

> First Fic! I feel a little weird writing it but it's been stuck in my head for a while so I figured I'd let it out. Hope you enjoy...or at least not completely hate it.


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